Happy Bday

I'm having the most amazing birthday ever. No drama. Thank God. Everyone I hold dear in my life has either called me, text me, or FB me to wish me a happy birthday. I'm definitly not kicking rocks this time around. Why? Cause I'm doing things right. Treating it with respect and loyalty. You deserve it. The person who cares for me more then anyone has, has shown their love in the most thoughtful way. THANK YOU! When friends come together to show their love, when people you've just met show love, and when family treats you like you were 15 all over again you can't help to be satisfied. Going out to Times square later to have a night cap. Turning 30 was better then I expected. I wish everyone all the best, have a great night.

Just when you think the movies have gone to far, you read the headlines on todays New York Post and you realize they haven't gone far enough. The front page reads "Witness Murder". Two men whacked mafioso style sitting in the passenger and driver side of there SUV were silenced after witnessing a murder. The bullet holes look devious and something out of a Quinten Tarrentino movie. I assure you folks, you can't make this stuff up, then again, I guess you can but it wouldn't be very suspenseful or original. Although when it happens in real life its a different story all together. I turn the page...

Holy BBQ

I’m sure you’ve heard about the plans a lunatic Rev. had on burning copies of the Quran on 9/11. Unofficially dubbing it “Burn the Quran” day. It has long been my feeling that everyone has the God Given right to practice whatever religion, code or creed of their choosing. If those beliefs do not directly cause psychological or physical harm to another, I say burn baby burn! LOL Despite Rev. Fu Manchu’s (Terry Jones) Holy Barbeque plans I think he would agree that the mouth under his porno mustache has bitten off more then it can chew. It appears that Rev. Manchu’s safety may be at risk after this extravagant publicity stunt. Apparently the Gainesville sheriff’s department has made it a point to assign Rev. Jones some extra security. I guess when Terrorist over seas start burning little effigies of you, dancing around with AK47s, screaming, “Kill the infidels. Especially Rev. Porno Mustache” its time to start worrying. Terry Jones has since called off his Al Queda Quran roast after meeting with some people who will be assisting in the design of a Mosque being built on Ground Zero. I must say I am not surprised at either Terry Jones initial idiocy in trying to have a holy barbeque or his spineless flimsiness in canceling it. After all I am the son of a reverend. LOL. What a bunch of flakes. I do have some advice for TJ. First get rid of the Mustache, or at the least grow a full goatee, its annoying and your not auditioning for the Michael Bay remake of the A Team. And secondly, the next time you try to fill your church with more then 12 people, try a different tactic less hateful then burning a copy of some other religions holy book. What’s next TJ? Lets burn a copy of the Old Testament to show all the Jewish people in Hollywood that we’re sick of all the straight nosed, dark haired leading men your casting in your block buster hits (thanks for nothing Spielberg). In any event I wonder if TJ had been threatened by the US government. After all a stunt like this is sure to cause a wave of hate that would put the lives of American soldiers at risk. As if bombing half of Bagdad, Iraq and Afghanistan had not already done that. But I digress. lol.

Happy Labor Day! You punk ass bitches! :o)

On this Sept 6th 2010, to commemorate a long held American tradition, the United States Government gives its citizens the day off. I'm not sure if this gesture is to be seen as an act of kindness or an patronizing ashy knuckle back hand to the face, commonly refereed to as a pimp slap. Its like the government is saying, “Ha, we really don’t need you hoe! Take the day off! And go buy something!” or “For all your hard work and labor we (The United States government/pimps) are giving you (citizens/hoes) the day off, to show you we appreciate your efforts and contributions. Now go pack the subways and beaches and try not to look like tourists.” Right! Its kind of like having the birthday blues. One day out of the year we celebrate the day a particular person is born. The rest of the 364 days of the year, you’re a worthless, annoying piece of _____ that we really can’t stand. As a result of this, we have little school girls and boys, or more precisely put, grown ass men and women acting like little school girls and boys, pouting, stomping their feet, sitting with folded arms saying, “No I don’t want your fake ass pity hoe. I rather you kept it real with me and not appreciate me on my birthday. At least then, when your birthday roles around I have license to like a punk ass bitch too.” HA! Spite should have been the 8th deadly sin, but I digress. Forgive my bitterness. In any event, I think this is my way of saying to the American people, Happy Labor Day, you punk ass bitches. Now go buy something!

CENSUS JOBS $$$$$ $14-20 an hour!

March 1st 2010

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Sun light: a rope around my neck.
Chirping birds: a gun to my temple.

Holidays are sleepless nights and haunted days.
Forever lay waste to memories that torture.

Cloudy skies a joyful reprieve.
Everyone heads inside, as I walk the streets.

Never again to see another day.
As you will never again see my face.

Forgive me.

Now, on this freazing N.Y. evening just when N.Yers think that they've seen the worst of winter, we walk down the street to confront what feels like taking a summit up a fucking Bohemian mountain! In this frost bitten state I find it fitting, to ask the most important question a person could ask. Whats new in the world tonight?!

Today, it has been rummored that President Obama is considering introducing peace talks into "Operation Enduring Freedom". The headline reads, "Karzai urges Taliban talks before U.S. pullout." Hamid Karzai, is the Afghanistanian president, as not to be confused with the the other Hamid Karzai. loll.. the one who did that crazy tap dance ruteen on american idol. After which, he ran off stage screaming, in tears. Later, to shoot up his dance coach in a South Harlem dance school. LOL. That so did NOT happen. I'm just bored.

Seriously though, Obama is trying to arrange peace talks in the middle east but is stalling because the Taliban's demands are too extreme. Apparently, before the Taliban is willing to sit at the negotiating table it would be nice if the U.S. releases 110,000 of their troops. A Taliban leader was quoted stating, "Its not a meaningful gesture, before negotiations can begin" LMAO. Thats gesture has no freagin meaning! LOL Lets let 110,000 Taliban troops , rome the Afghanistanian coutry side, eating felafel's and recording amateur porn. At which point they will be ready to join the negotiating table. The president must be out of his mother lovin mind! Personally, I find it admirable that President Obama is willing to EVEN IMPLY peace talks in the middle east. It takes a lot of guts to make a move like that. Imagine your in the middle of a fight. As you throw elbows, punches, kicks, occasionally bite, you to decide to say, "Ok I'm going to turn around now and walk away.......Don't do anything stupid like crack me over the head with that bottle." LOL Ques: If your in the middle of a fight and you decide to turn around and walk away. What do you think you'd get? A pat on the back or a kick to the back of the head? Unfortunately we have inherited this war. Its kind of like "The Game" inheriting the G-Unit beef..Lol Fortunately, The Game he had other plans. In any event I commend the President . Give peace a chance brother!
Later

Jan, 29 2010

Asking, " Whats new in the world tonight?" is more boring then seeing a playboy center fold of the women Tiger Woods has in his little black bang book. No wait that would would be pretty FUN. In any event, its still a boring question but I'll still it ask just to annoy my readers. SO, Whats new in the world tonight? Answer: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Typically, tonight is when the all the juicy news, thats reported on Saturday, is actually HAPPENING! Forgive my hostility.

Today, a 70 year old woman open fired on a 34 yr old school teacher in a Salt Lake City elementary school parking lot. The school teacher (female, 34) was fatally shot and pronounced dead later that evening. Honor prevents me (lol) from finding any type of levity or humor a situation like this. I'm here to report the facts, Nothing more! Imagine its been one of those long days after teaching a room full of snot nose devil spawn future drop outs. The day is finally coming to an end. Ahhh, your so happy, you head over to your car and pull out. As you make a left into the street all you see is a 70 year old woman pointing 9mm semi-automatic handgun at you. She lets go of her orthopedic cane with the four rubber prongs at the end (you know for balance) and starts busting caps into the side of your door. What the hell is going on in the world!? There weren't to many details released by the Salt Lake City Police Department but I think its safe to assume that her grand kid didn't get get straight A's. I had a whole line of jokes about St. Peter popping jokes when the teacher reached the pearly gates. Like, " Damn, you got popped by Aunt Jamaima" Or " Ha ha that old woman died of a stroke right after took you out sucka" but again.... modesty prevents me.. Oh wait, it was honor.

Later

Whats new in the world

Jan, 28, 2010

SO, President Barack Obama Delivered his First State of the Union address today. The speech was about 70 minutes long. Apparently he was being criticized for this. I thought I saw Clarence Thomas dozing off there for a minute. No, wait he's on the Supreme Court. My bad. The president touched on topics like, Health Care, the economy, the economy and health care. He also spoke about........Health care and the economy. As the countries economy plummets into A great Depression and Health Care is being abused left and right, to his critics I have one thing to say. Be happy he didn't Catch the Holy Ghost. Now, you all may think this is a racist joke, but I contend that it IS NOT. Its a Pentecostal joke. LOL I'm actually pro Obama. I don't particular care for his name...But whats in a name? Just cause his last name rhymes with Osama, (the Taliban Leader) and his middle name is Hussein, (The Late Iraqi Dictator) doesn't make him a bad man. Give the guy a break, so what if he has purple lips he's still cool in my book. Then again after Bush being president Gary Coleman could do a better job.

As you may or may not know J.D. Salinger has died today. He's the guy who wrote the timeless classic Catcher in the Rye. He was 91. Apparently he died of natural causes. First, I give my condolences to Mr. Salinger's family, friends and fans. I had to read Catcher in the Rye in H.S. Let me re-phrase that, I tried to read Catcher in the Rye in H.S. Honestly, I thought the name of the book was Cather AND the Rye. My bad J.D. I do know that it had something to do with this girl who falls in love with a vampire who then leaves her becuz he doesn't want to hurt her (typical) only to flirt with this American Indian kid (with a six pack and new hair cut) who turns into what looks like an Alaskan Mali mu...oh my bad that's New Moon. Again, my bad J.D. From a statement released by his literary agent J.D. had broken his hip earlier this year...(Uh, how much earlier could it have been, we're only 28 days into 2010) recovered, then died later of natural causes. Question: How many 91 year olds actually recover from a hip injury? Unless, your wolverine, with an animatium skeleton it was lights out for J.D. the moment he tumbled off his supped up Jazzy. RIP Brother.

On a lighter note, The AP Grammy nominations are in... The contestants are............for lack of a drum roll I use dots..............Beyonce, Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift. Beyonce is being nominated for best song "Halo" Never heard it. Taylor Swift for Best new artist and best song, "You belong to Me" Never heard it. And Lady Gaga for best song, "Poker Face" Never heard it. You may be asking yourself, "Where the hell have you been Matt, hiding under a rock somewhere?" To this I reply, "Yea" I've been listening to stupid artist like Frank Sinatra, Etta James and The Beatles. They didn't win Grammies, did they? Ol Blue Eyes and Etta must be rolling over in their graves. I guess, In a world where Lil Wayne aka Weazy aka Wayne aka Birdman Jr. can win two Grammies, what do you expect? Let me stop, I actually love Lil Wayne. Young Money rules! The Grammies can be rather boring so in the off chance Taylor Swift wins I hope Kanye West runs on stage, steals her Grammy, gives it to Beyonce and says. "You know you deserve this Ma" At which point Jay-Z will punch him in the grill and say, "Why you hittin on my woman son!"

Later.